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Letting Go of Resentments and Choosing Forgiveness

By: Christelle Kankalian, MS – Intern Therapist

Why should we choose to forgive? It's a valid question, and one could argue that not everyone deserves our forgiveness. Yet, there's a profound truth and healing in the act of forgiveness - it grants us a precious sense of inner peace. However, it's essential to acknowledge that forgiveness is not easy. It demands significant effort, as it entails releasing the heavy burdens of resentment, anxiety, anger, and sadness. Many of us might not feel prepared to take that step, and thus, we may hesitate to embrace forgiveness.

Moreover, forgiveness isn't solely about forgiving others. It can also involve forgiving ourselves for falling into familiar patterns, trusting again, and perhaps, inadvertently allowing our boundaries to be broken. This self-forgiveness is a crucial facet of the overall forgiveness process.

In truth, forgiveness is a deeply personal and transformative journey, and its manifestations are as diverse as the individuals who undertake it. Undoubtedly, it can be a challenging concept to embrace. However, it's important to recognize that forgiveness holds profound benefits for our mental and emotional well-being. It's an act of immense self-compassion, offering us the opportunity to unburden ourselves and step towards a brighter, more peaceful future.If we don’t forgive, we can experience the burden of unforgiveness. Holding onto grudges and refusing to forgive can have a significant impact on our mental and emotional well-being. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack filled with rocks. Overtime, this weight can become unbearable, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues. Forgiveness often involves an inner struggle. It’s a constant battle between our instinct to protect ourselves from further harm and the desire to free ourselves from the chains of resentment. This internal conflict can feel overwhelming, as we cope with our own emotions and judgments.

Forgiveness is a multi-layered process. It starts with acknowledging the pain and emotions we're holding onto. Then, it requires us to cultivate empathy for the person who caused the hurt, understanding that they too are flawed and capable of mistakes. Finally, it involves the intentional choice to release the negative emotions and let go.

Often overlooked, self-forgiveness is a vital aspect of the forgiveness journey. It's about recognizing that we are human and fallible. We may have made choices in the past that led to pain or allowed our boundaries to be crossed. Forgiving ourselves is an act of self-compassion that allows us to heal and grow. Letting go is a pivotal step in forgiveness. It's about releasing the need for things to have been different, accepting that we cannot change the past, and freeing ourselves from the emotional ties that bind us to the hurtful event. It is also important to note that forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation with the person who caused the pain. Sometimes, the best from of forgiveness is to create distance and protect ourselves from further harm. This is a valid and important form of self-preservation. It is also important to remember that forgiveness is not an instant process. It often takes time, and that’s completely okay. Each person’s journey is unique, and there is no right or wrong timeline. It’s about honoring your own pace and allowing the healing process to unfold organically.

When we choose forgiveness, we not only free ourselves, but we also contribute to a more compassionate and understanding world. The act of forgiveness can inspire others and create a ripple effect of positivity and healing. Remember, forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. It's a courageous act of self-love that allows us to move forward unburdened by the weight of past grievances. While it may be overwhelming, the benefits it brings are immeasurable, offering us a pathway to greater peace, joy, and authenticity.


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